[Intro] [History] [What Is A Loser?] [How To Join]
Last Updated: 08/16/00
You may be wondering what the Loser Club is all about. The next couple of sections are designed to inform the unfamiliar reader of why such a club exists.
In the mid 1930's, The He-Man Woman Haters Club was created. Thanks to the wisdom of the Little Rascals, males everywhere saw that you really don't need a girlfriend to get by in life...no matter how much you would really like one.
Decades later (in the early 1990's), the Taylor brothers and a few of their close friends noticed that it was Saturday night and nobody had a date. We seemed to be having a good time, despite our lack of social interaction. We soon bluffed ourselves into thinking that, date or no date, we were just as cool as anyone else...even those people who went on dates, and went to parties, and whatever else it is that popular people with "real lives" do. Thus, drawing on the ideas set forth by the HMWHC, the Loser Club was founded.
The members of the Loser Club went a step further than the He-Man Woman Haters Club in that they saw there were plenty of women who were losers, too.
First and foremost, a Loser is socially mal-adjusted.
Second, a Loser is a slave to employment.
Third, a Loser is blinded by his/her own Loser qualities.
Hmmm...joining seems like the thing to do, eh? We'd just LOVE to have you in the club, but that would mean we'd have to go through some sort of application for acceptance, followed by a ceremony. Then we'd have to keep a list of all the people who are in the club and send out a monthly newsletter...ack! No no no, that sounds like WAY too much work. The plain fact is that none of the current members have the level of motivation required to tackle such an undertaking.
How about we try the following:
---------- Begin Cover Letter ----------
CONGRATULATIONS <Your Name Here>! You're in the club!
We here at the Loser Club Headquarters have been scrutinizing you and your lifestyle for some time now, and we believe that you are the perfect example of what a Loser can and should be.
Now that you are an official member, you must be true to the qualities of a Loser (see above). If, for some reason, you do not receive your membership pack within 4 to 6 weeks, that means the US Postal Service has made a terrible mistake and has lost it. Please do not attempt to understand why...simply know that "it is so". From this day forward, let it be known that <Your Name Here> is a complete Loser and is entitled to all things in life that a Loser deserves.
If you do not hear any further word from the Loser Club, let it be a sign that you are continuing to shine.
The Loser Club President
---------- End Cover Letter ----------
What's that? You feel that you are so much of a loser that our little "cover letter" doesn't cut it, eh? Well, write some email to our President and tell him your redeeming Loser qualities. He'll get together with the Bored Of Admissions and they'll review your case.
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